"We watch and watch and watch these for so long, and when it's all over, all we remember is that they were fireworks." My grandmother said this tonight as we watched fireworks on her porch, and she's right. Now that they're over, all I remember are colors and styles. The golds and reds and greens, the ones that crumble into sparks and the ones that grow out into the night like noodles.
From the porch, it looked like the fireworks were going to fall onto the beach houses and boats that lined the ocean in front of us, but they never did. They always dissolved in the sky before the sparks ever reached a roof. Over and over again, though, I imagined a spark landing on a boat, somewhere near the gas tank, and in my head we'd hear an explosion, see a burning sail, and a fire would be floating on through the water, its owners away watching a better firework show somewhere else.
I'm so happy tonight. I don't know if it's because of the fireworks or because every time I hear them now, I think of my grandmother (who now wants me to call her anne, which is Turkish), or how they sound like the drums of a Bon Iver song. The ocean was so beautiful tonight, and my mom had the teeth that had been hurting her fixed today, and I've gotten so many new books lately, which always make me feel more whole and like myself somehow.
I used to be so happy all the time, like overflowing with happiness, and I want to get back to that.
Earlier you were asking what to do to get out of a slump. This is your answer :)
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